No Longer Broken But Capable

A client began by telling the story that he is terrible husband, just not treating his wife the way she deserves to be treated. He wants to be a good husband but he stinks at it! He talked about how his ADHD gets in the way. He gets involved in work and will hyper focus over a project, thus being late for dinner or missing planned events, etc. He described how he lets his wife down so often.  During the coaching session, I asked him if a tree gets water everyday? He responded that some days it rains and then there can be days without rain. So if a tree doesn’t get rain everyday how does it survive when there is a drought? Tree roots store up the rain and nutrients when they can get them, in order to carry them through the “no rain” times. How can marriage be like a tree and the rain? Where does he have an opportunity to water the tree in his marriage? How would he like to water the tree?  What does it feel like when he waters the tree? He switched from believing he was a bad husband that was incapable of sustaining his marriage, to eagerly looking for places to give his marriage and his wife wonderful nourishment in many possible places. His “go to” phrase for years now is “I have to go water the tree” spoken with eagerness and joy. He is no longer broken but capable! G

Limiting Options Equals Freedom

I am working with a client who developed a company.  “Why don’t I have a preference about things?” was his coaching topic. He was frustrated he couldn’t make decisions.  Why do simple decisions like when my wife asks, “Where do you want to go out to eat?” or “what to order to eat” create “decision paralysis for me? Even big decisions like “Where do I want to live?” freeze me. Yet he explained that he does make decisions, like no one else, in business when they are up against the wall.  “My favorite part of chess is when I’m forced to make a decision.” The coaching first challenged the thought that he couldn’t make a decision. He shared past experiences where he was great at making decisions! What was different in these situations? “Wide vs Narrow” His ADD brain could see so many possibilities with decisions, creating overwhelm.  Too many possible options and consequences created overwhelm and decision paralysis. When he found ways to limit the options, he was great at making decisions. So now he applies this new awareness by asking his wife to narrow the choices down to three options: Chinese, Steakhouse, or Italian. He shared how hugely helpful this is for both of them. He does the same with a menu. He looks for categories or ways to narrow the vantage point, which enables him to decide.  He is empowered to ask others to narrow the options, when he is faced with decision overwhelm. Coaching turns impossible to possible! Can’t into can!

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